I'll start from the beginning.
I aint in University anymore, things got on top of me and i couldnt deal with it. I also had an ectopic pregnancy which didnt help matters at all. My friend/roommate also got pregnant after me so those elements just made me feel really low and i felt like i couldnt talk to anyone.
For one i didnt want to rain on my pregnant friends parade and i was still in shock so i thought i was 'fine'.
I made mistakes along the way between autumn and now. Think i may have lost a few friends and many others trust and respect. Its my own fault and its difficult to deal with everything , not going to lie.
Im now at home getting a few hours in playschools locally and im insured on my parents car. MY 2 loves driving and working with kids. I am currently looking into doing a childcare course which really really excites me. Im looking forward to the future!!!!
I love driving got my liceince 2 years ago and love driving fast and blaring the 'tunes'!!!! I just love the adreneline rush and the control i have.
One bad thing about living at home is my parents. They spoil me, they love me and i know they'd do anything for me and im so grateful to the for everything they have done in the past 21 years ive been alive. BUT they drive me mad ....a parade of questions, constant nagging,where im going, why who when aaahhhh!!!!! just butt out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In uni i had none of that and i loved it...i hate people telling me what to do, ask me and i'll do anything for anyone but do not tell me.
Another thing is im the worlds worst morning person. I like quiet, no talking but tv. Im weird but deal with it!!But my parents love mornings...,they're the weirdos if ya ask me.
Then there's the love life. God where to fucking begin.
I have an odd relationship with my neighbour since i was 18. Basically we get drunk and kiss,, i love him and he loves me but we only admit it when we're drunk/ tipsy. We go to the pub together he visits me i visits him but we never kiss when we're sober.
We had been at this carry on for a year (i was 19) and he never text me back for like a month (we used to text everyday all day) then he was in a relationship. **insert broken heart*** I then acted like a slut ..as ya do...then i went to uni and claimed i hated him everytime i got drunk but i still loved him but hated him for it.
By the time i was 20 and a half and back from uni on mid term i hadnt kissed him or seen him face to face in over a year but he was in the same pub i was and i got drunk and so did he and now the cycle has begun again. I feel different about him this time...no rush of excitement/ butterflys. Its almost like dread maybe i dont know. I feel like i want someone 'new; someone who doesnt know everything about my family extended and otherwise .
I am more sociable when i text him rather than face to face. I sortof have lost the ability to talk to people in a long converation or keep the conversation flowing since my granny died 2 months ago. I'll do a seperate post on her as right now its still a little raw.
TO sum up my life is confusing, uncertain, sad and
lonely. BUT i know my granny would be dissapointed in me if i wallowed in my self pity so i hope to slowly pick myself up brush myself off and start again.
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| 'keep on smiling ' :) |
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